It’s the wee hours of the morning again and like last time, my family are snuggly curled up in their beds sleeping peacefully. It is now 4 days post surgery for me and things are great. I can’t describe how incredibly terrified I was leading up to surgery. My mind was completely filled with scenarios of me walking out and refusing to go thru with it. Even as I was laying on the bed in the OR room I was thinking I still had time to change my mind.
I don’t feel any different and I think I sort of expected I would. I think part of my fears were that having a hysterectomy would have me feeling somehow less than womanly. Like having a uterus was where all my female powers came from. How silly of me. I was also afraid that somehow I would all of a sudden kick back into baby making mode and have that overwhelming desire to procreate again – in spite of all the postpartum I have already survived. Again, silly of me. But my biggest fears were centered around my sex life. Thankfully I am blessed with amazing women in my family who calmed my fears and reminded me that there are berry flavoured lubes available everywhere! I probably am still a little afraid that even though I still have my ovaries, menopause will sit up and bitch slap me, calling me into the ring earlier than normal. But that could happen with or without my uterus. I wasn’t sure if all the problems I had been having over the years were as bad as I really thought they were, and that having this surgery was maybe not really worth it.
I can’ tsay how I will feel next week, month or year, but I hope I still feel the same way about this surgery as I do right now. Except without the tenderness in my tummy of course. I know for sure that I am looking forward to planning pool parties and holidays and romantic nights with my husband without ever looking at a calendar to make sure the time is right. I am looking forward to my daughters approaching their hormone teen years without the concern of fighting over the last tampon in the cupboard. And I am pretty sure Steve is more than happy to know that all three of us won’t magically link up and cycle together like a scary hormone driven menstrual army. One of us will be on his side at all times! The next six weeks of healing are the start of the new and improved Heather. Less malfunctioning equipment, happier and lighter (mentally and physically). Cheers to the next phase!