Life ebbs and flows alot. Some times are great, some are really horrible. This past week has been part of the horrible. I have shared alot of my ups and down with ppd, child raising and the like. I have shared the good times with my spouse, but never really the bad. Oh, and we have bad. I think all marriages do. If you don’t admit it, you are lying to yourself.
I think I have come to the conclusion that most marriages function the same. At least, my experiences with my friends and the people I meet seem to have similar relationships. My biggest bitch with my spouse revolves around our laundry baskets and his inability to use them. Apparently, I am not the only wife out there who bitches about this. Just knowing that I am not the only wife out there who feels like this helps.
This past week has been particularly difficult for us. Of course, problems build up and build up and we find ourselves projectile vomiting transgressions past and not really getting to the issues at hand. This week saw the first time in 7 + years of marriage and almost 10 years of being together, one of us sleeping in another bed…happily. It was only one night and things are better, but still, it was frightening.
I think I forgot for a second just how hard marriage is and that I needed to actually work at it to make it healthy and well. I think my life picked up here in this little village and I got lazy in my marriage. I am not the only guilty party here, it takes two to tango so they say.
I have no idea how to fix the problems in any marriage, let alone mine. I know that our problems aren’t unique. I know most marriages struggle to make it. I also know that I want mine to work more than anything. I think for a bit I forgot that I wanted my marriage to work as well as my family to stay together. Those two things are separate. I think I was spending too much time on the ‘family’ and not enough time on the ‘marriage’. I getting myself in order.
This is just one more challenge I can add to my list. Right at the top though. Teaching to tie shoe laces and knitting lessons certainly come after this one!
Communication is always the key. When the world starts to spin around you and the communication breaks down, that is when you find your relationship in tormoil and both parties left feeling lost. It is the fundemental basis of all relationships, but it is the hardest to maintain. Whether you go on a date night, promise cuddles at night to just sigh and enjoy each others closeness…Get a babysitter, go on a date, and spend a night away in each others arms. Get back to the basics and the rest will fall into place.
By: Melonie on October 29, 2009
at 8:33 pm
I really agree with you. Sometimes though, it is hard to keep communicating when you feel your words fall on deaf ears.
By: Hattie on October 29, 2009
at 8:40 pm
Yes…hard, but then you have to remember its not what you are saying its how you are saying it. Guys are funny that way, unless we speak Mantalk, sometimes they just don’t hear us…of course if anyone out there could give us some lessons…lol. For us it is what you say more so than how it is said. We read into what is said with well, so much judgement, and men well they just hear “nag nag” or “under appreciated” or “am too tired to listen”. Drives us mental…but don’t give up. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and say “Babe, this is really important to me…it may not seem like it should be to you, but to me it is…” its amazing how they will listen, even if it is only for a second! Good luck my friend. It will all work out…its meant to!
By: Melonie on October 30, 2009
at 10:09 am